Captain's Log

First off, why Captain's Log?  Well.  Because Mommy's Log is hopelessly depressing and Laura's Log sounds like a preface to a description of today's bowel movement.  No. Thank. You.  This is a different sort of log, luckily. Or maybe unluckily, depending on your preference. It's a chronicle of this morning's events. huh.  Guess I could have gone with Cudger Chronicles.  Ah well, no going back now. I decided to document the details of  a typical day in our life for two reasons: I thought it might help me get perspective and enable me to streamline things a little better in the hope that it would lead to less chaos and more spare time.  The second reason being birth control.  If I ever want to have another child, I must read this first so that I can remember what daily life is like with two tiny children. Side note - moms who willingly have more than two kids and/or work from home while juggling children just amaze me.  They really do.

It would seem that documenting the details of an entire morning leads to a very long, tedious read.  So be it.  This is a story that must be told.

9:00 - Bears and I have just finished breakfast. I apparently left fridge unlocked because I hear bears rummaging around in it, tossing various items out on the floor.  I've got to wait to address that because li'l Furious Biscuits has awoken for the day and has started sobbing for help.  Grab baby, run over to fridge to do damage control.  Start putting various condiments back in fridge; Bears begins to cry desperately for said items, particularly the peppermint creamer that he wants to drink straight from bottle.  I decide to compromise by giving him a bit of milk and creamer in a mug, using the last of the milk.

9:02 - change biscuit's diaper/outfit.  Bears grabs the poopy diaper and flings it across the room.  Poop everywhere. It occurs to me that I might have the worst behaved toddler ever and make a mental note to read more books on parenting. I leave baby on the bed to address this issue.  Bears is running/hopping/spinning like mad.  He loses control and falls head first onto Biscuit's forehead.  They both cry hysterically.

9:10 - Bears has calmed down and I've cleaned up the poopy splatters from the carpet and walls. Bears offers to take the (now sealed) dirty diaper to the garbage, which he does.  I tell him how proud of him I am and think to myself what a dreamboat he is.

9:12 - I sit down to nurse Biscuits who is still sobbing inconsolably. He begins to calm down.  ah. Peace. Bears comes over and begins patting him on the leg.  The patting starts to get a bit violent so I suggest that he go and play with his toys.  He actually listens (yay!)...well, kind of.  He goes into the kitchen, rummages around in a drawer, and pulls out a steel measuring cup. He starts banging it against the wall. I tell him to stop and he tosses it in the air, landing on his brother's head.  Or it would have if I hadn't managed to deflect it.  Phew. Warn him that he'll go to timeout if he throws again. I wonder to myself if I might, in fact, be raising a demon child.

9:14 - Bears hits me on the leg.  I put him in timeout (baby still latched on.  it's a bit of an awkward procedure).  Sobs.  Sobs.  More sobs.  I tell him that he can come out when he says he's sorry.

9:16 - He still hasn't managed to apologize.  I put baby down to go work with Bears.  Baby instantly begins to wail. I pick Bears up hug him for a bit, telling him that it really hurt my feelings that he hit and he needed to say he's sorry to help me feel better.  He says he's sorry and that he wants to hug some more. I'm a sucker for Bears hugs so this was a real treat.

9:18 - I go back to continue nursing Biscuits who's still wailing. Meanwhile, Bears has grabbed the milk carton that I emptied filling up his cup earlier.  He decides to try and pour his milk from the mug into the milk carton.  I see it happening from a few feet away and lunge  toward him (baby still latched on) to try and stop it but he's just too fast and has dumped the milk/creamer all over himself and the carpet.  He's devastated that he's lost all his creamer and starts shrieking about the mess and loss of his drink. I wonder to myself just where I've gone wrong in the parenting department, for surely I must have.  In this instance, I guess it was trusting him with a regular cup instead of going with spill-proof.

9:21 - Try to finish nursing but Biscuits is too distracted at this point and has lost interest. Bears catches a glimpse of the partially washed off grocery list written on my hand and says, "This says 'I love my Grandpa,' mommy." He points to a different part of the list and says, "This says 'I love my Diddum [grandma]' oh and I dooo! I love my Diddum so much!" I instantly feel so lucky to be raising such a sweetheart.

9:22 - Put baby down to go change Bears - baby cries loudly in protest the entire time.  Bears cries loudly in protest the entire time.  That cub does not like getting changed.  He asks for a bubble bath.  I figure that's a pretty good idea since he's soaked and sticky from the creamer spill so I send him, diaper-less, to the bathroom while I go to pick up Biscuits.  Bears excitedly proclaims that he's peed and grabs my hand to show me the area of carpet that he's peed all over.  Sigh. I tell him that he should only pee in the potty and he laughs like I've just told a hilarious joke.  I ask if he'd like to go on the potty and receive and adamant "NOOO!" I again wonder where I've gone wrong.

9:25 - I put him in the tub before he can pee on something else (which he was already attempting to do).  Begin filling up tub and adding bubble soap.  Bears immediately begins hopping about the tub with reckless abandon, nearly falling head first onto the faucet.  After I threatened to take him out and finally resorted to actually removing him from the tub, he agreed to sit down like a gentleman if I'd let him back in.

9:28 - Biscuits (who's been protesting being left on the floor this entire time) begins to outright scream at the top of his lungs for attention.  I settle him into his bouncer chair to see if he likes it any better.  In the 10 seconds that this has taken, I notice an ominous silence and look towards the tub.  I can't see Bears.  I crane my neck to see if he's smashed himself in the corner of the tub...but no.  I run towards the tub.  Oh God, he's under the water.
Nope, he's just floating on his back, with his face just barely peeking above the water and a terribly mischievous grin on his face. "I hiding from you, mommy, I hiiiiiide." My heart resumes beating in a somewhat normal fashion.

9:29 - Biscuits starts crying about being left in the chair.  I scoop him up and sit down by the tub with him in my lap.  Bears asks to play with my pink bath sponge but I tell him no (he sometimes still poops in the tub and I just wasn't in the mood to risk it.) I offer him the blue sponge because I don't use it as much.  But blue won't do. He begs for the pink one...and begs...and begs for it.  and cries about how he really neeeeeeds it. This goes on for 10 minutes.

9:40 - he finally stops asking for it and instead requests the scrub brush that's hanging on the wall.  I give it to him.  He says, "I want to help you clean, mommy, I want to help." He meticulously scrubs the entire tub and shower wall along with his teapot and tea cups. I tell him how proud I am of him and marvel to myself how I ever got such a sweet child. He continues cleaning and then proceeds to color with his bath crayons for over 30 minutes, giving me some time to actually pay attention to the Biscuits in my lap.  Such a dream.

10:15 - Biscuits starts acting sleepy so I wrap him up against my chest in his carrier and jostle him till he gets calm and groggy.

10:25 - I quickly put him down in my bedroom (which is literally a foot from the bathroom) and rush back to where I can see Bears since I'm still spooked from the drowning fake out. I start jotting down the morning's events while Bears is still happy in the tub.

10:26 - Bears gets water up his nose and begs to come out of the tub.  I take him out.  He thrashes wildly and begs to get back in.  I put him back in.

10:27 - he begs to come out.  I take him out, he begs to get back in but I'd rather not play this game indefinitely so I drag the now hysterical, shrieking, kicking, flailing crazy person out of the bathroom.  I attempt to dry him off and put him in a diaper, complete with safety pin (if there's no pin, he just takes it off and systematically pees in all the corners of our apartment.  sigh.)

10:35 - I give up on the idea of dressing him fully since he's thrashing wildly, screaming like a mad man, and trying to kick me in the face. I decide that perhaps a timeout is in order...and it's as much for his safety as it is for discipline. I may have needed a bit of a timeout as well since I was fighting a small urge to strangle him.

10:37 - He's sobbing hysterically so I pick him up and give him a hug.  After clinging desperately to me for a few seconds, it would seem that he couldn't resist a sudden urge to bite me and hungrily sinks his teeth into my arm (luckily not breaking the skin, just leaving marks). Back into timeout he goes.  I start wondering again how I created such a monster.

10:40 - He apologizes and I take him out. we snack on some grapes together and both calm down considerably.

11:00 - I put on some techno music and start prepping tonight's roast and then slave away at a delicious lunch consisting of Kraft mac n' cheese and 4-bean salad (from a jar) while Bears dances like a mad man to the music.

11:15 - Bears munches on lunch while I try to catch up on documenting today's happenings.

11:40 - Bears lets me know he's done by dumping all his food on the floor.  I let him out and he helps me clean the mess up.

11:45: I tell him it's time to sip on his fruit smoothie while we read some stories.  He knows that this is the first part of the naptime ritual and promptly hides under the table.  I'm able to bribe him into his room with some bunny grahams.

11:50 - oh no.  he'd pooped.  There is a struggle that goes on for a few minutes but I come out victorious with Bears in a clean diaper annnd those clothes that I'd given up on putting him in earlier.

12:00 - time to brush his teeth, put him in bed, and sing some songs.  There is another struggle.  After a few minutes, I win (ha!) and he's in bed.

12:20 - We sing songs and he drags about a million little toys into his bed but he's finally ready to settle down.

12:25 - I close the door and realize that both boys are napping at the same time.  What a treat.  Maybe I'll lie down for a bit...I'm so tired...

12:26 - Biscuits wakes up.  Ah well.

12:30 - We have some quiet, cuddly nursing times.  So sweet.

May as well end on that note as things rapidly go downhill from there. Ah.  Finally done writing everything down and it's only 10 pm.  Huh. So I do have some spare time after all. I'm liking this whole log idea...I think maybe going forward I'll just write the good stuff though.  Once is enough for this ridiculous kind of detail. Blast it but I'm tired.  Time to go to bed.