Nighttime Parenting

Just look at how pumped Bears is about bedtime!

We've been trying cry-it-out with Biscuits for a few months now.  With...less than ideal results.  When Biscuits was just a couple of months old, I started reading The No Cry Sleep Solution and dismissed it because (A) our issues were mostly with napping; his nighttime sleep had some issues but he'd regularly go 4-5 hour stretches between feedings and (B) It was impossible to implement the methods for no-cry napping without locking Bears away somewhere for several hours of the day.  Not really an option.  But now, Biscuits has developed some pretty good self-soothing skills for naptime.  What is an issue is the fact that he feels that he needs to nurse 6-12 times per night.  He's very adamant about it, in fact.  But it's just not ideal as far as either of us getting the sleep we need. and...I'm thinking that if cry it out hasn't worked by now, it's not going to. So I'm giving the No Cry book another go, since there should be no conflict with Bears in the middle of the night.  I'm so glad that Bears generally sleeps well.  I had no idea until now just how lucky I've been with him.

The first step that the author recommends is to make a detailed log of your night so that you can get a better perspective on any problems so that you can come up with the best solution.  Makes sense.  It reminds me of what they say to do in the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child which worked wonders for Bears when he was little.  Except with that, it also served to bolster your courage for cry it out because you could see concrete evidence that your baby's getting more sleep.

I decided that I may as well throw the log onto my blog for kicks.  And add in other non-biscuit-related details, since I figure if I'm gonna bother to do this, I may as well make a full record of our nights these days to have something fun to look back on.  As usual, I've added a ridiculous amount of detail and this thing's so long that it's basically unreadable.  I encourage you to try though.  You'll be rewarded with a surprise twist at the end.  (SPOILER: there is no actual surprise twist at the end)  Now you'll just have to read on to figure out which is actually true.

8:00 pm: Biscuits falls asleep happy in his bed
8:20 pm: We've gone through Bears' bedtime routine and he's all tucked in.
8:25 pm: "HELLLP!" (coming from Bears' room) Ryan goes in to check on him.  Bears is desperate for help with getting all his toys out.  He's devastated when Ryan tells him that it's not time for toys but tries to settle himself back down to sleep.
8:30 pm: same thing happens
8:35 pm: happens again
8:50 pm: ...and again.  I suppose I could save some time and just and write that this keeps happening until about 10:15.
10:16 pm: Ryan and I decide that it's about time to head to bed and for some reason, we discuss this for about a half hour.  I find that I try and stall going to bed since nights with Biscuits are so...exhausting.  I know, there's not much logic to my reasoning but there it is.
10:45 pm: take Lucy out to go potty and have to physically drag her out in order to get her to pee in the freezing cold.  I like to go out barefoot so that she has no real excuse in feeling overly sorry for herself.  Again, the logic of this tactic eludes even me.
10:46 pm: Lucy starts whining and pacing around right after coming inside.  We try to figure out what in the world she could want to no avail.  We head to bed.
10:50 pm: I hear Lucy continue to whine in the other room.  ugh.  Hopefully she'll settle down.
11:15 pm: Just as I'm drifting off to sleep, I hear her whining again.  It occurs to me that perhaps she's been avoiding pooping outside due to the cold and may possibly poop all over the living room if I don't go and help her. (ryan would inform me the next morning that she'd already pooped all over the place but he'd cleaned it all up by that time so I never had to actually witness it...and by some miracle, never stepped in it in the dark) I open the outside door for her and she makes a mad dash out into the night.  She must have still been holding in some serious poops.  Knowing her, she could have been holding it for days in order to avoid the cold.  She does not return for a full 20 minutes.  Serious poops, indeed.
11:35 pm: I snuggle up next to Ryan in the covers.  I can't believe that we haven't heard a peep from Biscuits for a full 3 1/2 hours now.  Maybe all this sleep training and stuffing-him-with-as-much-food-as-he'll-eat-during-the-day is finally starting to pay off.  We've been doing a form of cry-it-out for a few months now and it's the hardest, most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to do.  But when you've got a baby who wakes up about 10x in the night to nurse, what choice do you have? I had decided 10 days ago to not, under any circumstances, feed him until 1 am. before that I was only trying to get him to go for at least 2.5 hour stretches but his crying just kept bleeding into the okay time to feed him and I worried that I was positively reinforcing all that crying. I've read that once they start sleeping solid for 5 hours, you're really on your way to getting them to sleep constant, solid stretches.  Feeling more optimistic than I have in at least a month, I start to drift off...
11:40 pm: Biscuits starts to whimper.  Okay, I think to myself. I can do this.  I just have to stay strong and hold out for a little over an hour and then I can feed him.  I get up to give him a kiss and let him know it's not time to eat yet.  He screams with his whole heart as soon as I do this.  He really likes to make sure that I know, in no uncertain terms, that a kiss on the cheek is NOT what he was after.
12:10 pm: he starts to calm down and drift back to sleep.  ah.  not so bad.
12:11 pm:  he screams with renewed vigor after his minute-long power nap.  I go to him, give him a kiss, and tell him it's not time yet.  His pathetic cries (of course) skyrocket to super sonic levels.  He continues to cry with all his might.
1:00 am: Even though it's time to feed him, I know that if I feed him right now it'll seem like I'm responding to his crying and it'll just undermine the whole thing.  But I can't stand laying next to him anymore so with a huge lump in my throat, I head to the living room to google 'infant sleep problem solutions' so that I can at least feel like I'm doing something useful.  In my deluded state, I foolishly click on the first few links instead of actually searching for legitimate research articles.  I know better than to just read forums where any random parent can passionately tout their opinion.  Normally I do, anyway.  But not last night.  I kept reading account after account of people saying with total confidence that letting your baby cry is the worst thing you can possibly do and if there was any justice in the world, child protective services would swoop in and save children from anyone who would attempt to abuse them in such a fashion.
1:15 am: By this time, tears are streaming down my face and I just can't take it anymore. As soon as he quiets down for around 10 seconds,  I rush in and swoop Biscuits into my arms.  He's so upset that it takes him a minute to calm down enough to nurse but once he does, he drinks like a starving man and drinks everything I've got within 15 minutes (approx 8 oz).
1:30 am: he's wide awake from either the trauma of so much crying or elation from finally getting what he wants.  Maybe both.  Either way, he's not gonna be sleeping anytime soon.  I lay him down in his crib and turn his various mobiles on, hoping that they'll entertain him till he gets sleepy.  He happily squeals at them for about 15 minutes but then starts making frustrated sounds.  I look over and he's somehow managed to reach one of the animals on his mobile and is frantically trying to stuff it in his mouth.  I put the mobile back in it's proper position and receive an outraged cry from him in return.
1:50 am: he continues to get more and more upset and anything that I can think to do for him just infuriates him further.  Sigh.  Guess I'll give in and try nursing him again.
2:30 am: He starts to get really calm while nursing and I put him down in his crib before he fully drifts off.  He falls asleep happily.
2:45 am:  I fall asleep for the first time that night.  It's bliss.
4:00 am: Biscuits wakes up, desperate to nurse again.  I nurse him for about 20 minutes and put him back to bed.
5:00 am: same thing
5:50 am: same thing
6:30 am: Biscuits wakes up, wants to nurse for about 40 minutes, and poops.
7:20 am: I change him and put him back in his crib, hoping that his mobile will buy me a few more minutes of sleep.
7:35 am: He's getting upset so I get his bouncer chair and put him in next to the bed.  He likes that much better but I'm too nervous that he'll somehow get tangled up and instead of sleeping, I just keep my eyes half open in bed.
8:00 am: Ryan wakes up and without saying anything, picks up the bouncer chair, takes it out of the room, and closes the door.  I love him.
I get amazingly uninterrupted sleep for a full hour.  Thank goodness.  It's just enough to help me feel like I really can face the new day.  I got just shy of 4 hours total.  Harder than most nights but not so rough as some.  I'd give it a 7/10. Still...I think it's time for a new plan.