Locke's 5! And Summer is here! With a bit of winter. Because that's how we do it.

Locke turned five last week and got a bike. Ryan taught him how to ride it a few days ago and Locke's been biking like crazy ever since. On Sunday we went for a 10 mile run and he rode his bike for 6 of those miles. Then today he cranked out just shy of 6 miles again on his bike. I can't really express how excited I am that we're really getting to the point where I can go long distances with Locke and not have to carry or push him along.

They didn't show up as well as I'd hoped in this photo but the springtime flowers are looking so gorgeous!

Today was our first long distance outing where I just brought the single stroller for Fox so there was no other way for Locke to get around besides his bike. It was a pretty risky plan but we pulled it off without a hitch. Well. There was a slight hiccup. At one point we had to cross a busy street without a crosswalk and halfway across the road, Locke put his bike down, announced that he needed a drink, and pulled out his water bottle just as three cars were barreling disconcertingly close. But. He responded quickly when I took his water bottle and calmly directed him (with my best shrill and panicked, yet stoic voice) to hurry and finish crossing the street with me. And...we made it. Although all three cars had to come to a full stop before we did. So there is some room for improvement. But as far as making it the whole 6 miles without any fatalities or even injuries, it was a 100% success. So that's got to count for something...right? As I was pulling Fox out of the stroller after we'd gotten home, he said in a voice almost too soft to make out, "I love...I love going to adventures with you, mom." Such a sweet boy.

So it may be the summer part of spring this week, but last week we were lucky enough to get a snow day. Or as Fox likes to call it, free treats from the sky day. We got caught in the storm while jogging back from dropping Locke off to preschool and by the time we got home, the stroller cover was completely plastered in snow. As soon as we got home and Bitties got a good look of the situation, he grabbed a cup and started scooping snow off the stroller until the entire cup was full. But he didn't stop there, he started trying to scoop up all over the yard and ended up with many dirt and stick-filled cups before I realized that I really needed to be putting plates out to catch the snow. When all was said and done, this boy downed 8 cups of snow. Hopefully it was a good air quality day because that's a whole lot of sky to be eating.


As I mentioned earlier, it was Locke's birthday last week and Tess offered to host a party at her house. There was cake, friends, and new clothes. This boy loves clothes. It was some fun times.

To the man who used to live by the river

Today I saw your cart laying on its side in the river. I first noticed something was off when I jogged past your usual spot under the bridge to find your cart, rather than spilling over with the same grocery bags and trinkets that I'd grown accustomed to over the year, nearly empty; it's former contents littering the ground and jogging path. Over the next weeks, I kept looking for you, expecting to see your familiar shape huddled in your maroon blankets and sleeping bag...but the only thing I saw was that same cart, each day looking more dilapidated and abandoned as it moved by unseen hands ever closer to the river. I worried for you, this person I'd become used to seeing every day while out on my usual jog. This person who was always sleeping under a pile of blankets, surrounded by empty bottles from attempts to dull whatever pain it was that you were facing. I felt something of a kinship with you...and I'm embarrassed to admit now, I also felt a bit of pride about worrying over you. As if that, all by itself, made me a good person. But then I realized that in the hundreds of times that I did see you, I never once made an attempt to make a show of solidarity or even acknowledge your existence. All this worry and kinship was just a fantasy that existed only in my head.

So...that realization didn't make me feel so great. I may as well have been harboring delusions about my superiority over you and making erroneous moral judgments about why you were there. That's the lovely flip side to keeping our thoughts private: we don't harm anyone but ourselves with the bile of our own prejudice. But there does seem to be something...I don't know. Something wrong about harboring a fantasy of kindness and never actually sharing it. If I get to feel good about myself for not conveying contempt when I feel it toward someone else then it follows that I don't get to feel like a hero for secretly worrying over you.

Alright then. I promise you, right here and now that if I do see you again, I will acknowledge you. Probably not by talking to you...I could say that it's because you've always been sleeping whenever I've passed by but that wouldn't be completely true. The combination of my social anxiety and fear of engaging a strange man while I'm alone with my two small children hold me back. But I will pick up a couple things from the market for you that will hopefully be helpful and show you that you're not alone. I hope to see you again, even as I hope that I never do because you've found a better situation. But most of all, I hope I will actually take action next time when I'm in a similar situation instead of doing nothing until it's too late.